Go Long
The NFL's new-look Pro Bowl Games will feature a long-drive contest (yes, really)
MASSIVE, GARGANTUAN, POTENTIALLY HUMANITY-SAVING NEWS: After years of proclaiming the Pro Bowl deader than pay phones, it has risen from the grave in 2023 as the Pro Bowl Games, a series of whacky competitions and trials to be contested by the NFL’s best athletes over the span of a whirlwind weekend in Vegas. On Wednesday afternoon, the NFL finally shed some light on its new-look all-star format, and, well, the first, last, and middle thing you need to know is there is a long-drive contest. Yes, as in golf.
Obviously our money is on Match alums Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes should the Bills and/or Chiefs be eliminated from playoff contention by the time festivities kick off on February 2nd. Also keep an eye on 49ers tight end George Kittle, who recently built a golf course in his backyard, and Steelers edge rusher T.J. Watt, who is built like 2020 Bryson if 2020 Bryson fell into a tank of radioactive fluid.
Besides the long-drive competition, other disciplines include dodgeball, “kick” tac-toe, and more. Each event is divided by conference, with points from each competition building towards Sunday’s decisive flag football games, which are worth double points. Peyton Manning will lead the AFC team while brother Eli will helm the NFC coalition. We’re not sure who can move it better off the tee, but Peyton’s handicap reportedly clocks in somewhere between five and six, while Eli’s has dipped into the upper single digits post-retirement. In other words, bigger brother has a slight advantage, and when it comes to backyard games, we wouldn’t have it any other way.
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