sandbaggers
Evil golf genius puts together perfect sandbagging guide to guarantee a worse handicap
Joe McBride
Golf Digest has long been a bastion for instruction, tips and tricks to improve your game. It’s kind of what we’re known for. No big deal or whatever. The one problem with giving incredible teachers a platform and providing detailed analysis on how to improve your game is that some golfers out there are looking for the exact opposite.
What they truly want (other than watching the world burn) is to destroy their handicap in order to win local events and look even better when they’re playing well. We all know a sandbagger or have fought one, but no one understands their twisted etiquette more than r/golf user Bluesyman57, who put together this handy 8-step guide to raising your handicap.
We cannot give our full approval on these lifehacks, but it would be inconsiderate not to show you the inner machinations of an evil golfer. You need to know what you’re up against.
“We all get tired of that same guy who plays net 10 under at every tournament, right?” the post asks. “He's the one who's bought every $89 polo from the pro shop using ‘club dollars’ from his winnings. He probably even sells the balls he gets on eBay. Is he cheating? Maybe not! Instead, you have to think like a true sandbagger when playing all of those those non-tournament rounds. Here are some sure-fire ways to pad the handicap on every round.
“1. Tell your foursome that you never want gimmes that are longer than 1 foot. Instead, tell them that you are ‘practicing your short game’ and want to putt them out. This alone easily adds three strokes to every round.
2. On OB holes, always go for the hard cut shot around the trees. Why not? It's really cool when it works, and you get double bonus points for OB shots if it doesn't.
3. Consistently under club. You'll swing harder, knowing you have to stripe it to the pin. This will also earn you a few extra bonus strokes for the inevitable chunked water balls into the ditch in front of the green, and all of those way-off-target bunker shots.
4. If you're laying five on the fringe, just act pissed off, quit the hole, and then take your max score. Golf is frustrating. You might as well have a drink and go to the next tee box once you've wrecked the train.
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5. ALWAYS do a ‘longest tee shot’ side bet if you can. You'll maybe lose the bet, but that's a small price to pay for adding one or two strokes to the hole for a lost ball/unplayable.
6. This one is way too easy: Play from the tips, every round. No senior tees for this guy! Plus, you'll get to tell your own war stories at the bar: ‘Damn, I thought I could carry 210 over the pond. I used to!’
7. Putt from way off the green, especially out of the thicker shit. Occasionally, it works. Remember that time you putted one in for a birdie last year? But usually it's a guaranteed three putt, maybe even four if you chunk it really good with the putter and you are still laying in the thick shit.
8. Give long putts to your opponents, all the time. This lowers their handicap. In tournaments, it's all about the handicap differential, really. Pad yours and lower theirs at the same time!
Glad to help. Now go out and post some big numbers!”
This is some real Machiavellian shit. Not only are you destroying your own round, you’re bolstering someone else’s to make yours look even more disappointing. We’re glad this person has spent their time thinking about golf because their malicious ways could destroy us all if directed somewhere else.