Stop us if you’ve heard this one before: The New York Knicks had a no good, terrible, very bad night. Leading the KD-, Kyrie-, and Simmons-less Nets by 28 on Wednesday, the Knickerbockers proceeded to choke away their third 20-point lead IN FEBRUARY ALONE. It was the Knicks’ largest blown lead since 1987, 13th loss in the last 16 games, and raised very real questions about the future (or lack thereof) of the franchise in its current form. Was this the final straw for Tom Thibodeau and Julius Randle, both hailed as saviors this time last year? Is it already time for another game of front-office musical chairs? Was “bing bong” actually a curse instead of a blessing? All questions without answers for now, but that didn’t stop noted Knicks nut Stephen A. Smith from EXTRAPOLATING and EXPOUNDING on the PATHETIC and PERNICIOUS performance live on ESPN following the game. Liftoff in three, two, one …
Folks, I know we’re in the heat of Oscars season here. There’s some stiff competition out there. Will Smith is playing Venus and Serena’s dad. Benedict Cumberbatch is playing a sad cowboy. Denzel Washington is freaking Macbeth. The deck is stacked. But with this performance—a suffocating, white-knuckle descent into the depths of true human suffering—Stephen A. has catapulted himself into the conversation. In fact, if the CRAVEN and CORRUPT Hollywood Foreign Press Association doesn’t stand up and recognize “I’M NOT FINISHED, JALEN!” as the single most dramatic moment captured on camera this year, we might have to boycott this thing for good.
But those are problems for next month. The Knicks—and, by proxy, Stephen A.—have to find some way to cope until then. Barring a remarkable late-season run, it seems like the Knicks hopes of back-to-back playoff appearances are over, but perhaps All-Star weekend will give them a chance to reset and rewind. We wish we could say the same for Stephen A., who looks to be taking this one pretty hard. Rest up, buddy. Get yourself right and come back firing, because word is Spielberg wants you in his next movie …
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